
I have always had a strong interest in this last question as I feel that this is where the richness of health and wellness coaching really comes into play and where we can support people where they need it!
Barriers/obstacles come in all shapes and sizes. what we do, how we live, what we think and what we feel, are the pillar stones of most blocks to our desired life. But how do we go about changing these things?
Coaching can help people in many ways - creating realistic small goals, working towards new automatic behaviours, understanding what needs to be done to make change possible -but the really complex area is helping understand how our automatic emotional responses can get in the way of – let’s say a good life!
The topic of “Emotional Agility” is described in Susan /David’ book of the same name. She neatly reveals a model that can help people stop being “hooked” into rigid negative patterns that have no value in their present-day life.
Advantages of being Emotionally Agile?
- Allows you to be in the moment and pay attention to what is actually happening
- Allows us to live in accordance with our intentions and values
- Helps us recognise the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of the world – stories that may be quite unreliable!
- Prevents us from being hooked into accepting our thought as facts
- Enables us to create space between stimulus and our response
- Allows us (the thinker) to be in control – not our thoughts
David’s four step approach works like this:
SHOWING UP
A few gems from this part of the model include:
“Acceptance is a pre-requisite for change” is a wonderful paradox. Until we accept things the way they are, we cannot begin to change them.
“Self-compassion is the antidote to shame”. Shame is a destructive emotion that focuses in a person’s character and leads to feelings of worthlessness. It is different to guilt that may drive us to make amends and avoid repeating the mistakes. Self-compassion is the difference between the two emotions. Our first step to becoming more emotionally agile is to face up to what torments us with acceptance and compassion.
STEPPING OUT
We can learn to identify the trickier feelings we are experiencing and learn better ways of reacting. A very powerful tool in processing emotions is to write about them. Studies have shown that by writing about experiences that have cause regret, trauma or sadness can have a significant improvement on wellbeing. Somehow we are able to step away from our experience detach from the charged emotions and take a different perspective. Mindfulness is another very important aspect of this stage and it can prevent us from being “hooked” into those old patterns by creating space and letting go.
WALKING YOUR WHY
“Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking” is a beautiful description.
MOVING ON
This book is a wonderful source of wisdom. Although many of the concepts are familiar, David brings together so many ideas that result in our being able to step out of old familiar ways of reacting and enter a new life filled with challenges, possibilities and self-acceptance.
I highly recommend adding this book to your library!
Reference:
Emotional Agility. (2016) Susan David. Avery, New York.